… so the song goes.

Money’s a funny thing – it seems that everyone wants it but at the same time they have a low opinion of the rich.  It’s not uncommon to hear “…those filthy money grubbing bastards!” and lately with all the shenanigans on Wall Street it’s open season on the rich.

Now I am not rushing to the defense of the rich, but really, isn’t it time we stopped all this rich bashing?  I think it’s a good thing that there are rich people and truth be told yes, I’d love to join their ranks, I mean, let’s be honest, why else do we buy lottery tickets and even line up to plonk down our precious after tax earnings in exchange for a little scrap of paper that, odds against odds, will be the winning number and thus  open the magic door to the vault of wealth to us?  The larger the pot, the more people buy.

I like money.  There I said it!

Somehow in our society it is considered somewhat gauche to own up to liking money.  Money is evil, money is crass, money is bad, money does not bring happiness, money corrupts … the list is endless.  It’s usually people who don’t have money who say these things, but I find that it really isn’t entirely their fault; as much as I can figure it out they were brought up that way.

I wasn’t.  I was not born in North America nor did I grow up here.  True, in my family we did not discuss money but inherently we knew it was a desirable instrument to have.  When dad would come home from his business trips, he would sit at the table counting the money he got paid by his customers.  I loved watching him count it.  He would place a pack in one hand and then much like a croupier sorting his deck of cards, he counted  and placed different amounts into different bundles.  One bundle was for mom to run the household.  I always knew from the size of that bundle whether the business trip was a successful one or not.  The size of “mom’s” packet often determined how we ate and whether the shoes had to wait for another month or not.  If it was a good trip I would get a money note to spend.   So to me, money was always good.

Later, when I went to work in the corporate world, my pay packet was always delivered to me at my desk by a clerk from accounting and it was always in cash.   I did my own counting when I got home.  I loved it.   It was only when I came to Canada that payment was by check.  To his day, I prefer to have cash in my wallet and use it for my day to day purchases, leaving the credit card for big ticket items.

But the rich?  Oh yes.

The people we love to hate and secretly wish to be.

Why?

I did a little bit of snooping and Googling.  I think it’s a very good thing that there are rich people, you see, if it weren’t for them you can bet your bottom dollar that the rest of us  would be paying higher taxes.  I have always suspected this but now there is empirical data to support my suspicions.

The top 1 percent of income earners paid 40 percent of all federal income taxes in 2007, while the bottom 50 percent paid only 3 percent. More than one-third of U.S. earners paid no federal income tax at all.

Source:  Internal Revenue Service

Another interesting statistic is that the top 10% earners paid 71% of all income taxes.  Now the 10% includes the merely high income earners at $100K and above .  Depending on where you live that can merely be a good income or put you into the upper middle class category, but still it is above the  U.S. household median of $60K.

As with everything in life, there are some who are better, better at sports, better at math, better at sciences, better, better and more better – and there are some that are better at making money.   I read that if all the wealth in the world were equally dispersed amongst the 6 billion on earth, each man, woman and child would have $1.6 billion in his back pocket.  That was a while back.  The total wealth of the world in terms of money has increased since then.  What was interesting about that read was the observation by the author that within 6 years or less, the money would return to the same concentration levels as before the division.

The main reason being is that not only are some people better at making money, they are also better managers of money.  Think about lottery winners.  While there appears to be no real hard data as to the exact figures, most lottery winners return to their previous financial status whether that be comfortable middle class or below broke.  The most common soft figure is 70% return to their previous status sometimes within as short a time as one year.  Lottery is a regressive tax. You generally have to understand money in order to accumulate it. The same goes for the redistribution of world wealth.

I also think that stewardship of money is given to those who do more with it.  The rich get a bum rap.   They support charities, fund cultural events, help educate the less fortunate, set up foundations and serve as valuable mentors.  Before the cynical jump on the soapbox and say that the disadvantaged would not need the largesse of the rich if  they had the $1.6 B in their back pocket – I point again to the lotto winners.  Others will point to the tax benefits that such donations give to the rich – yeah?  What’s the point?  I don’t think that governments would put the money to the same good use but then I again cite the statistic that 1% pay 40% of  all federal income taxes collected.   Seems to me like they’re paying well enough.

I think the next best thing to being a rich person is having rich people in our society.

Lots on my mind this morning. How do I choose which of the many thoughts swirling in my head should be written about? Should it be about money? Should it be about the environment? Should it be about parting? All separate but somehow like a vine they intertwine. I know. I’ll take a stab and see if I can make sense of that which my brain seems to be dwelling on this overcast Sunday morning.

Parting. Whilst sitting in a grouping listening to one after another of my colleagues speak I was suddenly acutely aware that I no longer enjoyed being here. I felt a sense of discomfort not with what was being said but with my feelings. Betrayal came to mind. How could this be? This is the group that I started. The dissonant and discordant energy was exactly what I wanted, no make that thrived on: contentious, mind disturbing, thought provoking, irreverent – political correctness be damned. It was all there. How could I now no longer want to be part of something I created?

This niggling thought followed me around all day yesterday and here it is again this morning. I am reminded of how people who break out of their bearings are often criticized for being “too good for their britches” – an observation often lobbed by the status quo at a usually successful friend who no longer spends time with them. I can understand that.

Not that the situation I speak of has anything to do with any newly acquired riches. Rather it has to do with a dull but insistent knocking in my cranium, each dull thud sending a message “…these are not your people.”

Indeed the rhetoric is palling. It assaults my values and frankly I am tired of the same old same old Robin Hood mentality that the rich are corrupt and should be taxed (even more)that seems to dominate these meetings. There is more. At one time there was a balance present and the bantering back and forth was fun, sharpening not only the tongue but one’s own appreciation of and respect for how others think.

With time the members changed. Being the lone wolf is not only no fun but it sinks you into a funk. I am not there to change anyone’s mind – that was never the intention. There are still some who present opposing views with some forethought and intelligence. I do not have to agree to enjoy a mind expanding experience.

No. That is not the reason my brain is going thud, thud. Lately, on my drive home from these gatherings I cannot help but question the knee jerk reactions that are being presented … and you know, even if they were knee jerk with substance, it might be ok. But its mostly rhetoric that is riding high on hype and for that I have little tolerance.

There is a side of me that says that I should soldier on and another that keeps telling me to surround myself with like minded people. These are not them.  Have you ever found yourself in such a situation?  Is it outgrowing your friends, associates, colleagues – your position?   Has your thinking changed?  Your circumstances?

I’ll sleep on it but I think that I am at a fork in the road and right now it is the road that takes me on a different path that beckons.  It is sad.  This was my baby – somehow, I don’t think I will be missed.  Oh, the money and environment?  I’ll save that for another Sunday … the sun is just beginning to peep, time to go out and have some fun!

The Little Engine That Could

Welcome to Sunday Morn Musings.  This is my weekly free fall – writing about whatever it is that occupies the mind on a Sunday Morn.  The idea of a “no topic” posting is the stepchild to a blog I used to write:  Four O’Clock Thursdays which is still up there if you want to check it out – more likely, I will repurpose and republish some of those posts here over time.  On Sunday Morn Musings the topic may be about blogging but just as likely it may not.

My last post here was on Frank Kern’s State of the internet address.  Today  I republish an article which first appeared on my Four O’Clock Thursdays.  That was a year ago.   The words were about the man.  The article about life.  I hope you enjoy the read:

Dateline:  May 07 2009

…The trip to San Diego was fabulous.  I had dinner with a friend I have not seen since my days in Japan and it was just so cool to do catch up…we were just like kids!  So much fun.

The reason I went to San Diego however, was to attend an internet marketing seminar.  If I have never mentioned it here, that is what I do: internet marketing.  As with any profession it is important to keep up, learn new things and meet colleagues and peers in your line of work. To that end the weekend did not disappoint.

I loved the venue which was at the Hard Rock Hotel in the Gaslamp Quarter of San Diego.  The whole area is uber chi chi. At the seminar of 500 or maybe 600, I met a lot of people from all parts of the world.  We had time to chat, and scope out business opportunities and joint venture options and just make new friends.  Life is good.

What completely blew me away at this seminar however, was the opening address by the host.  Frank Kern is a surf dude, extraordinarily successful in internet marketing and showed a side of human depth that he does not often display – at least not publicly.  I had the privilege to briefly chat with him and you know how you get a certain feeling about someone?  The feeling I got was that this young man is a very kind human being.

In his opening address Frank spoke of the Average Man and how the average man is no longer average. Summarized in my own words, which do little justice to the original:

Back when the average man went out to work, to get a job done, to feed, clothe and house his family, being an average man meant something.  The average man took responsibility  for his well being and did not sit around listening to excuses as to why he was no further along in his life than he was.  He put in an honest day’s work and looked forward to putting in another with the hope in his heart to do better and to give more tomorrow.  Being average was something to be proud of.

Yes there was always more to aspire to.  The average man in those days did not buy into excuses peddled by feel good professionals.  He did not think there was anything wrong with him and if occasionally the world was not rosy, well that was life and in time things improved.

Today a new industry has blossomed – the feel good industry, the instant fix for whatever is wrong with you.   The media is awash with psychiatrists, psychologists, and self anointed professionals who tell the average man that indeed  there is much that is wrong with him but not to worry, it is not his fault and if he but listen to them they will fix that which is wrong with him.  He is sat down to an aptitude test which tells him what he can be when he grows up:  a doctor, lawyer, garbage collector.  Don’t worry, nothing wrong with garbage collector – it is not your fault if this is all that you are suited for, it is not your fault if:

-  You can’t read – In the US 27% are functionally illiterate

-  You are able to read just enough to get by – 25% – 30% in the US fall into this category.

That makes more than 50% of Americans who can barely read. But that’s not their fault.  They are probably dyslexic, have ADD or ADHD or their parents did not love them enough.

Today the average man

- spends 20% of his time at work making non-work related phone calls

- 38% of those calls are job hunting (now that makes for an excellent employee)

But that’s ok … it’s not the average man’s fault.  The job is not meaningful, the boss demands too much and pays too little.  Why would the average man not steal some time from the man who pays him for a job he hates to look for another job?

And get this … the average American household watches on average 8.35 hours of TV every day.  Needed escapist therapy to handle the boredom and tedium of a life that seems to be going nowhere.

Systemically the feel good industry of “Hey you’re OK, I’m OK – its not your fault that yada, yada, yada”  … systemically the average man has succumbed to a litany of lies that say

“it is not your fault…”

“..you are entitled to”

“…it is your right…”

and so the  standards of the average man have been dumbed  down.   Today the average man is no longer proud of who he is and is not willing to do anything about it.  The average man is no longer average, is bereft of the values of his forebears.

This is not who we want to be, to aspire to.  Today’s average man is not who we want to hang out with.

“If you want to do the things that other people can’t do, simply do the few things that other people won’t do”

Frank was diagnosed as being dyslexic, and to compound that “problem” he was pronounced to be ADD which, when the experts became even more knowledgeable, was upgraded to ADHD!  Meds were the answer.  For a while life was absent of chaos and internal turmoil, it flowed smoothly if somewhat artificially.  The rose  colored glasses he was given to wear, were, hey, OK!

Got him into college. Performed abysmally.  Sure enough the aptitude test confirmed that he was not suited for higher learning, indeed collecting garbage was more like the kind of life he should be aspiring to.

Fortunately there was enough of a contrarian still lurking in Frank’s body.  He took off the rose colored glasses.  Collecting garbage did not appeal to him.  He refused to accept what others had decided for him and made his own decision:  to take responsibility for himself.

Today Frank is not only wildly successful, but a bright and articulate man and all because he refused to be an average man and to accept the pablum that was being fed to him.

Terry Fox

Welcome to Sunday Morn Musings.  This is my weekly free fall – writing about whatever it is that occupies the mind on a Sunday Morn.  The idea of a “no topic” posting is the stepchild to a blog I used to write:  Four O’Clock Thursdays which is still up there if you want to check it out – more likely, I will repurpose and republish some of those posts here over time.  On Sunday Morn Musings the topic may be about blogging but just as likely it may not.

Today’s post was first published on Four O’Clock Thursdays on February 06 ‘09

Earlier this week I was driving down one of the many country roads in the area that I live. I smiled.  Ahead of me was a runner.  Now this is not an ordinary runner.  I have driven down this road many, many times over the years and the first time I noticed this man running on the road was perhaps five, maybe six years ago.  He has become a fixture on the road.  I see him often.

The man is young, but his gait and something about him makes me think that he had a date with fate and the run was a mere therapeutic exercise.  What is strange, to me at least, is that he still runs at the same pace, with the same small mincing type of steps, as he did when I first saw him all those years ago.  His lean and muscular legs could surely cover more ground with each step, I am certain that he could even pick up the pace.  In my mind’s eye view I see him running a marathon – he’s a road warrior, after all! Seeing him this week got me wondering, is it his mind that has him trapped on this familiar treadmill or is it my mind that is trapped into thinking that he can do better?

Today at four o’clock I thought about this man, a road warrior of sorts – funny, I’ve never given him a name – and other images of road warriors I’ve come across flooded my mind.  One of the most notable ones goes back to when I was still commuting to a day job.  I would drive in on the freeway and enter the city over the Oak Street Bridge.

Typically it would be about 8.00 a.m. Every day without fail, was this young man, suited for work, earplugs in his ears attached to I gather a Walkman (in those days the ipod was a mere twinkle in Job’s eye, if that). He was Asian and, I surmised, on his way to work.  I imagined that he worked for one of the hotels that were clustered on either side of the freeway just where the bridge ended and the freeway begins – certainly there were no other types of businesses that would require one to dress in a suit.

He was a joy to watch.  Listening to the music from his Walkman, he would be singing along with whatever it was that was playing, but he did more, his walk was more like a dance of a sort.  His arms flailed and he punched into the air.  Everyone driving gawked at him, but he didn’t care, and soon no one else did either, they just smiled. He became a fixture and I looked forward to seeing him.  Somehow the sight of someone so energized gave me a lift and I too looked forward to the day.  I wonder where this road warrior is these days.  Perhaps managing a 5 star hotel or speaking in front of thousands as a motivational speaker?

Then there is the iconic image of a young man, hopping along on one good leg and on one that is a prosthesis.  The ultimate road warrior. I speak of course of young Terry Fox who embarked on a cross Canada run to raise awareness of cancer.  He never made it.  The disease he was fighting took him before he could complete the run.  Today there are Terry Fox Runs for Cancer all over Canada and each year millions of dollars are raised for cancer research.  Ironically, with the advancements that medical scientists have made in this disease, had Terry lived today, he would have completed that run.

I wonder how many other road warriors there are out there? Is there someone you see on the road?  Often?  Is there something that sets them apart from others on the road?   Have you wondered what they might be running for?  Do you see road warriors running a different road?  To personal fulfillment?  To end each day ahead of where you began it that morning?    Is that road warrior you?

Last night I was listening to a radio talk show – a money talk show.  I like to tune into this show as a way of keeping myself somewhat current with what is happening in the world of finance.  This is a show that is targeted to the average person, people like you and me; not bankers, not economists.  Tuning into this show does not make me an expert but at least I get a good layman’s perspective on the world economy and how that impacts my country on a larger scale of things and me on a minute scale of things –  I also get some good tips on how to manage money.  It’s my way of improving my financial IQ.

On yesterday’s show the host challenged us to create our own economy.

Create my own economy?

As I listened I realized how powerful that challenge was.

I also realized that without knowing it I was already creating my own economy and could do a lot more to make it a much healthier one.

The more I listened, the more the idea of a personal economy appealed to me.  The imagery is far more powerful than the one that comes to mind when you say budget.

But an economy is more than just a budget.

Creating your own economy is just another term for personal finances which includes income, budget, asset growth, net worth, wealth preservation and that most sought after position of all:  the cashflow. Cashflow is the money you have left over after the bills are paid.

The talk show host went on to say that in your economy, everything you own should cashflow.

Well, there it was.  Pure and simple.  That is why my net worth suffers from anemia.  Most everything I own drains and costs rather than contributes and that it seems, is also the main problem with the world economy right now, but there are bright spots, countries like Brazil and China are enjoying good economies compared to most other countries; he posited these two countries vs what is now being termed as the Greek Tragedy.

You can’t do much to make a difference to the world economy, but you can to make a difference in your own.

To create a healthy personal economy you have to turn the tables and start thinking differently.

Whether you are employed or are in business for yourself, how much of your money do you put to work for you?  For that matter how much do you pay yourself?  You see it appears that most of us don’t do a good job of our income and outgo.  We get the money and pay bills.  We may contribute to some sort of a retirement plan and perhaps put a few dollars into a savings account.  The reality is that most of us don’t even do these bare minimums, let alone grow our net worth.  Even high earners are up to debt in their alligators.  Now according to the talk show host, debt does not necessarily have to be a bad four letter word, there is such a thing as good debt, and that is when the debt incurred actually produces cashflow. Most personal debt produces outgo.

That got me thinking.  The concept is not new to me and I am sure it is not to you.  But it got me knoodling.

I wrote out my financials.

Not a pretty picture.

Too much red ink.

Now in my case a lot of the red ink is tax deductable.  Items such as communication, transportation, insurances, accommodation and utilities are partially if not completely tax deductable as my businesses are  run from my home office and each qualifies as a home based business.   Still, when examined with microscopic attention the economy on the home front needs a lot of restructuring.

The biggest gaping hole was that the “economy” was not set up for preservation of capital.   That according to the talk show host should be job one because preserved capital grows, and as it grows it can be put to better and higher use so that the resulting cashflow is passive rather than linear.

Aha!  But isn`t that what you and are trying to do with internet marketing?

Yup!

We’re on the right track.

But don’t you just love the concept of creating your own economy?

Somehow the sound of  “creating your own economy” has a much more powerful ring to it than budgeting

Are you ready to set out and create your own economy?  A buoyant one?  Let’s go for it.

Welcome to Sunday Morn Musings.  This is my weekly free fall – writing about whatever it is that occupies the mind on a Sunday Morn.  The idea of a “no topic” posting is the stepchild to a blog I used to write:  Four O’Clock Thursdays which is still up there if you want to check it out – more likely, I will repurpose and republish some of those posts here over time.  On Sunday Morn Musings the topic may be about blogging but just as likely it may not.

I am a toastmaster. Recently I gave a speech and the opening line was “Screw It, Let’s Do It”. If you know anything about Toastmasters this would ordinarily be one of those out of bounds moments and I would have been cited for this sort of unacceptable language. But the club I belong to is not your ordinary run of the mill club, noooooo… we are an irreverent bunch, we call our club Politically Speaking and pride ourselves on banishing political correctness into the doldrums where it belongs – well you get the idea, so they thought that  I was merely swearing!

Actually “Screw It, Let’s Do It” is a book. The author is Richard Branson my favorite billionaire.  Sir Richard lives life writ large and in this autobiographical book he does not disappoint as he treats us to an insider’s view to his many obstacles, his adventures, and to his ultimate success. His life is a magic brew worthy of Harry Potter and his cohorts. What keeps this brew from turning rancid is Branson’s innate desire to make something worthwhile happen, that is to look for a way to make the seemingly impossible, possible.

Fourteen chapters in all. Each chapter a life lesson. I loved each one but if I had to pick a favorite then it would be chapter 2: Have fun for Life is too short to be unhappy. That got me thinking. How is it or why is it that so many are content to live a life below the greatness of this gift that we were given? People complain. They complain about the lousy job they have, the rotten boss they work for, the crooked politicians they never vote for; the weather is too hot, too cold, too dry, too wet. They had an unhappy childhood and their adult life isn’t any better, wouldn’t you know it but then what else can one expect when the universe conspires against everything they do!

STOP IT! Life is too short and no one said it was going to be fair.

No matter what your disposition is make a point of having some fun – every day, little bits of fun type of fun. Indulge in a little bit of decadence. Go have an ice cream cone, double scoop it – oh hey! make that a triple scoop and in a waffle cone, please. Visit your city. Huh! Yes. Play tourist, I mean really play tourist. Go to all the tourist attractions and find out what it is about them that makes them an attraction – why is the park famous, why was that statue erected, watch the martial arts students practice on the green and if there is a horse drawn carriage where you live, take a spin around the block or two and tip the horse driver handsomely. You’ll feel good.

Is there something you’ve always wanted to do and just never got off your keester? Fencing? Rowing? Dancing? Get a bunch of your friends together … not the moaners and groaners, but the ones who always seem to have a smile on their face, speak with energy in their voice, have a sense of curiosity, yeah, get together with them and go do something that will make you laugh, something silly. Isn’t that what you did when you were kids? And if you don’t have these types of friends go out and make some.

Sure the problems will still be there, maybe even some new ones, its life get over it. But having fun lifts your spirits and builds your inner strength muscles and soon – and this is a guarantee – soon you’ll be able to meet those problems head on, you’ll find a way to tackle them, you’ll go through them, around them or over them. This you will do for sure – you will live through it, come out stronger, and the world will look like a much better place than you thought it was. When you were born you were given the greatest gift of all – LIFE. Live it, love it – screw it, just do it!

Who was Riley and why do we want to live like him?

In yesterday’s post, What Does a Blog Income Life Look Like I alluded to living the life of Riley which means an easy and pleasant life.  We use the term loosely as a life desired or envied.

It got me thinking.

How did the term take hold?

What was its origin?

And who was Riley anyway?

Well with a name like that he’s got to be Irish.

So this morning I did a little bit of research.  There is no definitive answer.  As with most words and phrases there is no one thing or incident that embedded the term into the English language but the rabbit trail is interesting.

It begins in 1890.  A song about Mr. Reilly, or Riley as the spelling seems to be interchangeable, became popular.  Reilly was a hotel keep.  The words speak of wellbeing:

Well, if that’s Mr. Riley
They speak of so highly.
Why, faith, Mr Riley,
You’re looking quite well.

During WWI the Syracuse Herald published an article with excerpts from letters written by Private Walter J. Kennedy:

“This is surely one great life.” writes Kennedy. “We call it the life of Riley. We are having fine eats, are in a great detachment and the experience one gets is fine.”

But there is a much earlier reference to Reilly and money – a historical one and this one has deep Irish roots.  It seems that in the 15^th century the Reilly clan consolidated its hold on County Cavan.  They began to mint their own coin which was accepted even in England.  The coin came to be known as the Reilly and held considerable sway in value, thus a man who had Reillys was considered to be a monied or prosperous man.

Somehow easy life, Riley and money combined.

Interesting but not captivating.

How about throwing in swashbuckling, intrigue, a life of derring do, of being in her majesty`s service, having nerves of steel a license to kill and killer looks to boot?  In short a spy and why not none other than James Bond.

How does James Bond factor with Riley?

Aha!  This is far more captivating at least in my mind.

There was a real life spy, one Sidney Reilly.  His life and exploits are credited with providing Ian Fleming with the model for the James Bond character that we have come to know and  love so well.

Sidney Reilly`s life as a spy was well documented in the 1983 TV drama series “Reilly, Ace of Spies” which in turn was based on Robin Bruce Lockhart`s book of the same name published in 1967.  The series, starring Sam Neill as the most famous English spy of all time has become a classic.

Reilly was a spy in his majesty King George V`s service.  He had it all.  The looks.  The women.  The adventure. The drama. The intrigue.  He lived precariously balanced on the edge of life and death playing hard, working harder.

Doesn’t that rev up your imagination?

Perhaps we can inject a bit of Reilly when we think about living the life of Riley.  Spice it up with a bit of spy theatrics.  What would living the life of Riley be like if into the mix of easy life and money we threw in

Exotic.
Fine.
Adventure.
Thrilling
Experiential

Hmmm … notice “dangerous” and other life threatening adjectives have been left out  … but hey, wouldn’t it be a lot more fun?  Maybe we can put a whole new spin to the meaning of  “Living the Life of Riley” … what do you think?

It’s time to retire certain words and phrases from the English language – or at least, give them a rest, a long rest.  Perfectly good, honest,  strong and hard working words that have become hackneyed through overuse, often spoken by well meaning people who really don’t understand the full meaning of those words, or, who having some acquaintance with the word and now liberally sprinkle their speech with it  in the same manner an apprentice  chef might make use of the salt shaker.  The result is the same: too much of a good thing and the effect is spoiled.

In no particular order I submit a list of candidates.

LAW OF ATTRACTION

Ever since The Secret hit the mainstream, even those who have neither watched nor read The Secret or any of its preceding books or essays are now expert on the Law of Attraction.  Have you ever had this experience?   You are in conversation with someone, the topic is irrelevant and whether it is a conversation between just you and one other or in a group setting, suddenly you hear:

“… well, you know, it’s all about the law of attraction, put it out there and the universe will deliver ….”

I don’t know which rankles me more, the use of the term “law of attraction” or, “put it out there and the universe will deliver.”  I know!  What rankles me most is that the speaker has no bloody idea what the hell he is talking about ­– he thinks he does and has fallen into the trap of mainstream speak.

Equally annoying is the pregnant pause followed by “… you have seen The Secret?  Right?”

This phrase is often accompanied with a look of disdain; an unmistakable implication that you are a social plebe.  Clearly you’ve missed the latest personal growth trend train and haven’t picked up the lingo of that which separates those balancing on the enlightened self actualization high beam from the rest who are merely still entrenched in the troughs of basic human needs.

Give it a rest already!

PASSION/PASSIONATE

The indiscriminate use of passion or passionate – often used interchangeably – has the nails on a chalkboard effect on me.

Save me from the newly converted who have found passion and now march in the passion parade.  They are legions.  Most wouldn’t know passion if they tripped over it.

Passion is an extremely strong and evocative word and few are the mortals who live their lives in this most rare state of being.  At some point or another, every human, I hope, experiences some form of unbridled passion.  It is both heady and seductive and can be emotionally draining yet satiating.   Passion at best drives a vision, at the least is a fleeting moment of heat and lest your mind instantly jumps to sex, the heat can be any strong emotional feeling including hate, rage, contempt and yes, sexual.  It is by  interpretation an intense emotion.

Intensity cannot be sustained for long.  It would leave you limp as a ragged doll unable to function in the dull day to day minutia of the living of  life.

To the leaders of the passion parade that shout  “Find your passion and the money will follow”  I say Bullshit!   Shame on you!  You are doing a great disservice.

I recently spoke with an enlightened teacher.  She is a career counselor at the high school where she is employed.  She told me that when she sits down with her students she helps them discover their passion and then points them in the right direction.

Excuse me.

You don’t help someone “discover” their passion.  They either have it or they don’t.   Given, a good mentor can help  fans the flames into a roaring fire but the spark needed for the flame is internal and deep down one already knows it, feels it.  Those who know it must also “have” it, that is they have to have something in their being that drives them to achieve in the face of adversity – and trust me, all the greats have faced adversity that would have crushed the merely talented.

Passion isn’t injected.

Passion isn’t developed.

Passion isn’t imbued or fired up by some external force or person … I have another word for those who succumb to the charms and beguilements of a Svengali and it has nothing to do with passion.

I would have been happier had the teacher said that she helped students uncover their latent talents – what are they naturally good at, what are they pre-disposed to do well in.  A dormant talent uncovered may eventually lead to a passionate relationship with a career thus chosen but I’ll place my bet on not.

This teacher was merely parroting what is in vogue – a passionate career.

AGGRESSIVE vs ASSERTIVE.

Social engineers have been hard at work here and it is not so much for the retirement of either aggressive or assertive that I am setting a case for, but for re-instituting the word aggressive to be used in proper context.   A recent exchange went something like this:

First Person (FP):  Business in Toronto is different from how it’s done here in Vancouver

Second Person(SP):  Yes.  Toronto is far more aggressive in approach

FP:  Well no, relationship building is more important

SP:  True.  But in Toronto there is an unspoken understanding that we are both busy, so lets stop with the kissy face and get down to brass tacks.  In Vancouver the tendency is to first dance before sitting down to earnest business discussions.  So in that context I would say that Toronto is more aggressive.

FP:  Well maybe more assertive/

SP: Assertive?  Let me ask you:  do you run assertive or aggressive marketing campaigns?

FP:  Well, which would you rather be perceived as, aggressive or assertive?

HUH!

(let’s leave the exchange here … it got ugly)

Liberal social engineers have labelled aggressive as a word that should be struck from our language, it is associated with warlike activities and we, after all, love peace and not war, therefore, much like smoking in public, it has become socially inept and unacceptable to be aggressive.

Corporations bowing to changing social mores, traipse out the travelling dog and pony shows for hire and unleash them on their unsuspecting employees to ensure that all are properly briefed on what is and what is not acceptable verbiage in the workplace.

The word assertive isn’t exactly a pussycat either and may even be interpreted as being more sinister.  I would say that aggressive and assertive are two words that are just a different shade of pale and interestingly enough are listed as synonyms in the dictionary.  Just as you would apply the proper shade of paint for a particular ambience you want to achieve in a room so too you should use the proper “shade” of word to denote your true meaning.

Are there words that you would like to add to this list?  Words you would like to send off on a hiatus to be returned years or even decades later so that once again they can be given the due respect they deserve?   The list is not exhaustive.  What words bug you and why.  It would be interesting to have a discussion here.

The longer we live the more friends we have, or do we?

Is it just that the longer we live, the more people we know?  And if we know more people then do we have more friends?  But what about “Old Friends?”

Some of the people we know are business associates, friends of parents and friends of  relatives.   Some of the people we know belong to the same association, the same fitness club, the same mastermind group.  Some are friends, and a very few are old friends.

An”Old Friend” has little to do with age although it has its roots in that association.  An old friend is a special unspoken honor conferred by two people, two families, or more upon each other and when one is in need the other will go to the ends of the earth to meet that need.  It is an old Chinese custom not easily conferred, but once done carries on from generation to generation.  Bluntly put, it is as much about friendship as we know it as it is about powerful connections, it is after all who you know that makes the difference.

How did I get on this topic?  This week I had lunch with an “old friend.”  Yes we have known each other long enough to be old friends in the traditional sense, but we are also “old friends” in the Chinese definition as well and it has nothing to do with the fact that he is Chinese.  In one of James Clavell’s books, Noble House,  Ian Straun Dunross is saved from financial ruin by an improbable outwardly seeming adversary, a high ranking aparatchik in the Chinese  communist regime.  Ian turns to him as a last resort and is greeted as an “old friend.”

The idea behind old friend is that old friends are the best kind.  You first met as youngsters, fashioned a friendship and over the growing years laughed, cried, fought with and for each other.  Your word was gold.  The more the years, the stronger the tie.  Not too many develop such a friendship.  New friendships formed may be strong but they do not have the little things hardwired into their very sinews, little things like unconditional loyalty and trust.  Lucky are those  to have a handful, if that many, of such old friends; most never do.

Over sable fish and gnocchi we did some catch up – family and business.   On parting, Nelson gave me the greatest compliment of all, he said “Valentina, I am honored to have such an old friend as you.”  I wished that I had said it first.  It is true.

I knoodled over old friend as I drove home.  I even took a long route, via my favorite ocean shore drive, Point Grey and then over past UBC  to ponder on it.   My thoughts turned to  the Monday night previous.

Regular readers here know that Monday night is my weekly Internet Marketing Mastermind meeting.  Matt was speaking.    Matt is the expert on social media and he was talking about Facebook with a membership of some 250 milliion and growing.  What he was saying was that we should not accept every invite to be a “friend” only from those that we know, put the others into a holding pattern, eventually you can always move them from one group to the other but only if you want, only when you get to know them should you allow them entry to your small but solid and trusted circle of “friends.”  It’s not in the numbers, but in the quality of your relationship which may blossom into a friendship – or not.

Facebook, he told us, has 11 year olds as members.  They develop connections, then relationships and some of those may blossom into friendships.  Hmm, I thought, so Old Friend may have a different complexion in meaning to them than it does to the traditional Chinese.  Matt thinks that this group will be the first highly connected group of people, and therefore will wield a great deal of power.  In ten year’s time they will have grown their network to include all corners of the world, all manners of people, rising stars connected to captains of industry, influencers, decision makers, dissidents, champions, and the list goes on.  Six degrees of separation will be more like one, or two at most.

The idea is mind boggling.  I know people who know people by which I mean, that with the right introduction you will be given special treatment be that at a restaurant, a clothing store, a realtor or perhaps a good accountant.  I am not such a person.  Even though I was raised in the orient and indeed my father always stressed connections – it’s not just an Asian thing, but European as well – I came to Canada in my early twenties.  Here you did not need to have a good connection to get the right plumber, a doctor, or a fish monger who would help you pick out the best fish.  I learned to shop at the supermarkets where most everything was packaged,  paid full price  unless it was officially on sale.  Bargaining was not done and jobs were obtained on your own merit.  Everything was above board, people lined up in orderly fashion whether to get on the bus or wait their turn to pay at the checkout counter.  What you saw was what you got – or so I was led to believe and naive enough to accept.

Things have changed since I first came here.  Even if shopping at a high end jeweler  “is this the best you can do” is a standard question, better yet if you know the owner of the store or have someone give you a personal introduction, someone who may have old friend status with the owner.

Today’s young people are far more savvy and consciously go out to develop a wider circle of friends – several circles in fact.  I venture that as the years pile on one after the other, the interconnected numbers will be staggering, like a chain link fence.  My hunch is that some of the links will have a familiar ring, that of an “old friend” – at least I hope so.